Sometimes I have a feeling I don't really know who I am anymore. Writing this out it seems ridiculous, angsty and a bit like a pathetic teenager.
In trying to figure out why I have a feeling of a loss of identity I've been thinking if I ever had one to begin with. Growing up the Mormon church was who I was. When I exited the church I became an ex-mormon and that was who I was. When I started dating DH I became the boring white half of an interracial couple. Was there ever a time when I knew who I was at my core?
Ha, in two poorly written paragraphs the realization is obvious--I'm in my mid-2os--does anyone have a solid identity at that age, or ever? I bet not. Guess I'm just along for the ride, constantly growing and changing and it's OK.
About Me
- We Own The Sky
- This is the blog of an ex-mormon who is in an interracial, committed same-sex relationship. Currently I am a university student and work at a hospital.
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2 comments:
When I was in my twenties I didn't know who I was and what I wanted.
Basically, I let other people tell me how to live and what to think.
I couldn't seem to sort my feelings out and was in a constant state of confusion.
Nothing really changed until at 28 years old I came out enough to start honestly and openly interacting with other people.
What I later learned is that all those years in the closet (I went in at 12 years old) had held me back because some things one can only learn by interacting openly and honestly with others.
In other words, I was 28 going on 13 and the two years following were an amazing period of self discovery.
Amazing and somewhat scary, too.
I literally had to be as self-absorbed as a teenager to process all the self-discovery going on.
I have a question for you...
As a teenager did you go through a lot of angst trying to figure out who you were and what you wanted in life?
I didn't. I thought I was so mature acting like an adult while my friends were acting all goofy with the girls and all.
What I didn't know is that I didn't get to skip this stage even when I was at 28.
All the closet had done was postpone my growing up.
And this seems to be common for people just coming out.
Just about everyone I know that has come out has gone through this adolesence stage.
Regards,
Philip
Philip, thank you so much for your comment. I have seen a lot of people here go through gay adolescence. You can see all the angst that I got to experience on my old blog after I came out.
I completely got my head out of the church about a year before DH and I started dating seriously
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