I'm Tired today

I didn't do a single thing today. Because I didn't have to work, I slept in this morning and didn't see the sun rise. I really like seeing the sun rise, it's absolutely breathtaking every morning.

Maybe I'm just hoping that if I put some feelings up here I won't be so crabby. God give those who are going to be around me patience tonight :)

anywho... going to listen to the new vienna teng album. :)

Needed to blog today.

I wake up earlier than I ever thought I could for work. My office runs off of eastern standard time which means I get to work by 6:30 am. I work ten hour shifts in position that works directly with the unemployed masses. In fact, the only reason why I have a job now is because there are so many unemployed.

Sometimes it's really difficult keeping such a tough exterior. It's common for people that I'm working with to be sobbing relentlessly. .. Well, me complaining about my job wasn't the intention of this post, so I'll just save that for another day.

My lease is up the end of this month and I'm moving. My two roommates are leaving, and I'm moving in with my boyfriend. It was recently decided. Most people I'm close with have had a lot going on in their lives and I haven't wanted to bother them with this. Maybe I haven't talked a lot because I talk all day at work and I am so drained by it sometimes I just want to clam up and not speak. Yeah, that's it. I shouldn't blame me not letting people in on being kind to them or not wanting to stress them out. I can't talk anymore. I'm exhausted by constantly talking. Even typing is such a ridiculous chore sometimes!

(By the way, I usually blog while naked in the bathtub, my macbook perched precariously on the edge, hovering over the water. Tonight there is no hot water and my bath time blogging isn't going so well because I'm kind of cold)

I'm starting school again soon. I'll be going to SLCC. Two days ago I bit the bullet and just submitted my application, paid that ridiculous fee and started mapping out courses I'll be taking. They have a Radiology tech program that looks really interesting, with career outlook that is still decent. I think if I start now, get accepted into the program relatively quickly, I should have my associates by the time I am 24. I never thought I would go the trade-tech route for my education, but that's what it's shaping out to be.

Okay. so the water is getting colder, I'm tired of writing, and the boy should be here soon, so I should wrap this up.

Samantha's mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. This woman has always greeted me warmly, and with a hug. I'll be praying for her in the upcoming weeks as she undergoes treatment. Please join me.

Conference weekend

This is my third general conference living within a half-mile of the conference center and I finally learned my lesson--do not venture out at all, unless it's after 10 pm.

While waiting for the crowds to dissipate yesterday, I slept in and made some pretty delicious scrambled eggs for my boo and my roommates. After breakfast was over, I retired to my bedroom to finish the last two disks of Six Feet Under. The show was amazing, I loved the ending, even though it was really emotional for me.

After I knew the population of downtown had deflated. Roommate and I made our way down to a crumby, hole in the wall bar to play some pool. Roommate pays the cover and we make our way to a pool table with a few beers in hand. The DJ was playing Mo-town, and then suddenly he welcomed everyone there to the "Spring time 30 and over party!"

Suddenly I realized that most everyone in the bar was as old, or older than my parents and the only thing I could do is laugh, which, if you know me only caused everyone to look in my direction.

Just another day.

I stole this from Flickr. I think it's pretty.

Something interesting happened at work last Friday. I snapped and suddenly my job couldn't affect me anymore. I don't care about the people I'm supposed to help. I never thought that could happen.

In other news, my schedule has changed to a 4 10 schedule, so I'm getting used to working an additional 2 hours per day, I'm very excited to get the weekends off. I'm hoping that I'll be able to spend a lot of time camping this spring and summer. I miss it.

I spent Friday and part of Saturday with Samantha, Ambrosia, and Coila. Edgy and his boo came to dinner on Friday. I loved it. I went to therapy with Samantha, which was fun. Not therapy itself. Just being with her.

Just now coming to the realization that I'm out of practice with blogging, and that I'm a rambling idiot, I should probably stop typing.

Well, until next time...

Don't know where to begin.

I've had a very long lapse in blogging. There have been times when I felt like I needed to start again, but was scared to become dependent on writing down every single thing that happens.

Some may say that my life has drastically changed because I no longer have the job at the book store that provided my blog so much fodder, I have lost my faith in the LDS church, I live in Salt Lake now and have been dating a really great guy, but I'm still me. (I almost published this without stating that I have a mullet growing. It'll be cut off soon, but that's a change too. :) )

I'm still the same person, I'm still me. I still make horribly inappropriate comments, I still laugh loudly.

The last few months have been very interesting. I'm growing up, I think. I purchased furniture. Which, I'll admit still gives me mild anxiety when my feelings overwhelm me and I feel like running away because I can't pack up the incredibly comfortable mattress, or my dresser.

I live in a crumby apartment, but I have my own room and bathroom, and I revel in my ability to be alone and not have it be overwhelming.

I'm still stupid and immature though, I don't know what I want to do with my life. But I am alive. I have dear friends, a great boyfriend, and I am functioning and that's more than what I can say for what I was doing two years ago.

It takes life to love life.

I'm Back. I need to write. I want to share my life.

Reclaimed

Even though I feel I don't deserve to let go of the fear of rejection and abandonment, with the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ I deeply and completely accept myself anyway.